Being grounded is something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately - maybe because it is such a simple thing to wrap my head around and do, that’s so profoundly healing and important. In today’s post I’d like to explore what it means to be grounded, why it’s so profound, and how we can be more grounded as we move through our days.
What is being grounded?
What does it mean to be emotionally, energetically grounded? It’s a term that comes up a lot in the realms of personal development, spirituality and pop-psychology. The simplest definition that feels good to me is that to be grounded is to be deeply, fully present. Someone who is grounded is truly here in this moment. They are not preoccupied, distant, split off from themselves and what is here right now due to fear, insecurity, or whatever mental or emotional chatter might carry them away from the present.
There are some attributes I associate with an individual that is grounded: They are calm, they are firmly connected to themselves - not overwhelmed, confused or swayed by the people/energy around them, they are confident (insecurity and shame tend to take us out of the moment, and therefore are by nature ungrounding) without needing to posture, pretend, or inflate themselves, which leads to one of the most significant qualities I think a grounded person might have - they are authentic. They are comfortable with themselves and their complexity. They are honest with what they feel - to hide or withhold what and who they are would mean disconnecting vital parts of themselves from the present moment, shutting them away, and that would be ungrounding.
Some examples of not being grounded would be an individual that is experiencing shame or insecurity that removes them from the moment. I think of a lover kissing their partner, neurotically wondering to themselves if they are ‘doing it right’ the whole time. That self-consciousness creates a massive disconnect from their experience. Or someone having sex, consumed by shame and insecurity about their body, wondering if they are doing it right or if they are ugly in the eyes of their partner. In these instances, insecurity pulls an individual out of the moment, away from actually being present to their partner, and blocks the possibility of real intimacy.
Personally, when I feel such things in my own life, the way through - the way to becoming grounded - is often to be honest (at the very least with myself). If I’m feeling insecure, if I bring that to the surface and acknowledge it (even internally), suddenly I actually might become completely grounded. If I feel a wall up between me and another - a sense of disconnection and distance, saying so out loud has the potential to dismantle that very wall. Not acknowledging the wall often ensures that it will stay up, that I will remain ungrounded, having a low quality, superficial, shallow experience.
Returning to the simple definition of being grounded that I mentioned above: If being grounded is simply being fully present to our experience - including all that we are feeling going on within and around us, someone who is grounded isn’t suppressing or withholding what they are feeling, and they aren’t being collapsed, overwhelmed or disoriented by their experience. They have a sense of self, a connection to something stable within, that anchors them amid the noise and chaos of life.
How To Be Grounded
To be grounded moment to moment can sometimes sound like a feat that would take a lot of effort, something difficult and strenuous to achieve. The irony of this is that to really be grounded, present, and authentic in each moment, actually means being natural. It means not posturing. It means not withholding. It means not rejecting what we’re feeling. It means letting go of all the creative ways we’ve developed to separate us from what we feel, from what is true, what is natural, and from the richness of right now. The fact that this could sound like a lot of work is kind of hilarious, but as we’ve often grown to reflexively disown or disassociate from our truth, as we’ve learned to walk through this world with a blanket of shame and insecurity insulating us, learning how to simply be natural once again is a pretty extraordinary journey.
I think that’s why I wanted to write today’s post about being grounded - it’s something so incredibly simple and easy to practice. The question “Am I grounded right now?” is really easy to ask, and can lead to some pretty significant and penetrating places.
How does one get grounded? This varies from moment to moment and person to person, but whatever connects us to ourselves, whatever helps us feel like we can expand, feel centred, stable and strong in our own energy. On one’s own, that might involve taking time to connect with oneself, away from distractions. Time in nature, meditation, exercise and creative outlets come to mind. However one does it, getting grounded usually means simply getting present with oneself, and not suppressing or rejecting what is met in that process.
I’ll share a personal anecdote that might shine some light on what I mean by that: Several years ago, I was becoming aware of the shame and insecurity I reflexively moved through the world with. I began to study it, to be present to it, how it would constrict my heart when I walked past a stranger on the street. Often the more curious or drawn to a stranger I was, the more my insecurity stomped down on me. I would look down at my feet. Lord knows I would avert my eyes. I would collapse, remove myself from the moment, because the shame was too much - the prospect of looking up at the world and being rejected was too much.
Once I started being present with this, I realized that my behaviour - my body language and my energy - were sending a signal to those around me. That signal probably registered as some version of: Stay away! Ugly! Ashamed! Worthless! Unlikeable!
I realized these were things I was feeling towards myself, but because of what I was doing with my feelings (hiding and suppressing them - certainly not accepting and loving them!), the people around me could easily think I was feeling it about them! My sense of inadequacy was pushing others away, because I wasn’t fully owning it and grounding it.
At this point, I began to do something very different: I played with actually just owning my shame and insecurity when it came up, letting it breathe and evolve, instead of remaining stuck. If I was out in public and noticed myself tightening up in those feelings, I’d actually acknowledge what was happening inwardly. “I’m feeling ashamed. I’m feeling insecure. It’s because I feel so vulnerable - so tender. But I don’t actually need to protect myself right now. I don’t need to have a wall up. I can take this wall down and see what happens…”
I would be out for a walk, and consciously take down that wall - looking up and at the people I crossed paths with, heart tentatively unguarded, and the smiles and greetings I began to receive blew me away. People seemed to completely change when I stepped out of my insecurity. And those that didn’t - people who seemed closed or cold, it didn’t actually matter to me, strangely. Accepting myself - shame and insecurity included - totally shifted my experience.
I wanted to share this little anecdote because I think it’s very important that we not get caught in the trap of trying to perfect ourselves. When I talk about how important being grounded is, there is no correlation between that and being perfect, free from flaws or wounds or insecurities. That way of looking at ourselves and our lives - as problems to be fixed - feels kind of ungrounded to me. Instead, the richness seems to lay in our ability to be present with, accept, and honour the sacred imperfections that make us who we are. I know that might sound cliche, but it probably also deserves to repeated infinitely.
At this point, I should admit that I don’t have a method or technique for being more grounded. At its essence, I think it may require that we have a relationship with our centre, who we really are, in each moment, returning to that wide, mature sense of self as we move through the world, anchoring ourselves to it. Creating the space, both when alone and in our relationships, to return to that centre, to authenticity and honesty, to a deep presence of self. A lot of practices, like the ones mentioned above, help us in getting grounded to that authentic nature, that presence of self.
Then, learning to hold that presence and authenticity in relationship, in the complexity of world, is where the magic truly happens. After all, as the saying goes, we generally shut down our authenticity and learn to be ungrounded because of relationships that are hurtful. Returning to our authentic selves, becoming deeply present and grounded in relationship, then, is where the greatest treasure lies. From my own explorations into this, I can say there is nothing more beautiful or profound. Becoming grounded, present and authentic in the world can feel daunting, but by doing so you can actually give others the gift of who you truly are, and there is no overstating how beautiful that gift is.