Having A Trauma Response To Love (Why Do We Run From What We Desire Most?)

Having A Trauma Response To Love (Why Do We Run From What We Desire Most?)

Nearly one year ago, I approached a lone woman sitting at a table in the restaurant where I work as a waiter. She was waiting for a few friends to join her, and I offered to bring her some water. There was a profound, quiet beauty to this woman that shook me. I felt something far beyond a mere physical attraction to her - I felt some kind of energy radiating from her that might be best described as a pure, quiet, dignified grace.

She was understated, humble, and elegant in our brief interaction, which I walked away from in a state of dizzying euphoria. It is a rare thing for me to feel so moved by a woman’s presence.

What was perhaps even more noteworthy than my instant, full-on infatuation with this attractive stranger, however, was my awareness that everything I was feeling seemed suspicious. Maybe all those months of isolation and introspection had given rise to a new self-awareness, because although I’d felt this kind of reaction in response to women before, I’d never noticed how terrible it felt.

What Does It Mean To Open Your Heart? (A Quick, Practical Guide)

What Does It Mean To Open Your Heart? (A Quick, Practical Guide)

For many years, phrases like “Just open your heart,” or “You need to listen to your heart,” felt like little more than empty motivational platitudes to me. They sounded nice, but fluffy and insubstantial. I’ve had the privilege over the past decade of learning that the difference between what is often referred to as an open heart, and a closed heart, is actually an incredibly tangible, palpable, practical phenomenon. When one understands what this means and what to look for, it’s as noticeable and real as the shifting temperature of a room. Rather than an esoteric, spiritual concept, it’s as tangible as the difference between an open hand and a closed fist.